Mami & Me: Managing stress and realities of parenthood

I think we can all agree that this year it has been extremely stressful. As a Latina writer and mother, it has been a lot to process in such a short time. I've put together some tips and suggestions that have personally helped me manage the stress, struggles and challenges that come with the journey of new parenthood.

Be aware of your expectations

As new parents, we struggle to balance the perceptions vs. the reality of what parenthood looks like. Many times we compare our own children to others and what they should be doing, for example, potty training, sleeping on their own, learning the ABCs and more. But the reality is that every child develops differently and meets their own milestones at their own pace.

As a full-time mom and a part-time working mom, some of my expectations are unrealistic. What I do to cope with some of the pressure of parenthood is to think of all the milestones we have actually accomplished, getting rid of all those negative thoughts. If you are trying to meet certain educational goals with your child, I suggest creating a realistic timeline of when that can be achieved.

Support system

Often, parents don’t talk about the challenges of parenthood, making it appear easier than it really is—leaving others to feel like they’re the only ones struggling. The reality is you're not alone. Everyone has good days and bad days in this journey of parenthood. And like the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child and I find that to be true.

If it weren't for my family and my partner's family, who have been very supportive since having my son, I think I would be going crazy trying to figure out motherhood all by myself. If any family members are showing signs that they want to help, I suggest accepting the offer. Of course, make sure you trust them with your, and your childs, life.

Make time for yourself as a parent

Being three years into my parenthood journey, I often forget that sometimes I need to take care of my own needs and make time for self-care. Ever since becoming a mother, my child's needs have become my priority, but in order to be a good mom for our children, we also need to look after ourselves and do the things we used to do or enjoyed before becoming parents.

For me, self-care is getting my nails, lashes and hair done once in a while. I also like to spend time watching TV, dancing or listening to music.

Exercise as a stress release

As a mother, stress can build up, especially when you're thinking of all the things that need to get done: breakfast, showers, cleaning, working, lunch, doctor appointments and the list goes on and on.

One thing that has helped me relieve physical and mental stress is exercising at least one hour a day.  I learned that it helps relieve muscle tension, gives me a little break from my little one and provides a change of scenery, as the majority of my time is spent at home. At first you might feel some mom guilt but that will eventually go away. A good quote my coach once said was, “Making yourself a priority for an hour is OK. The rest of the world can wait and everything will still be OK."

The tough stages in parenthood 

There are many hard stages in parenthood that may make us feel like we are not good enough as parents, or times when our children can really test our patience.

My son is currently in his “Why?” phase and it drives me crazy sometimes but I also need to understand that he is curious about everything right now. Instead of getting irritated right away, I try to change my mentality when approaching the list of questions he may have. I tell myself to breathe and answer one question at a time. It’s important to remember that these moments won’t last forever and things may get easier as they get older and so will our parenthood journey as we get wiser.

If there is anything I can help young mothers and fathers with, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at amairani@latinomedia.org. Follow my Mami & Me column here.