Mami & Me: Reflecting on my motherhood journey

For most moms, that maternal instinct kicks in right after birth, but for me, it came weeks later—only after I had given myself the time, both physically and mentally, to process everything I had been through.

My birthing experience did not go as planned. Having complications that started after my water broke was an early sign that it was not going to be a regular birth experience. After waiting for 72 hours, the complications got worse, which led me to birth my son via an emergency C-section.

As I lay in the surgery room, numb and shivering with fever, the fear of being cut open while still awake was overwhelming. At that moment, all I could think about was my son being delivered into this world alive.

After hearing him cry, it was a moment of relief but also a feeling of worry because, at that instant, I felt no emotional attachment to my baby. Waking up the next day after an exhausting birth experience was so unreal because, just like that, I had officially become a mother overnight.

It was all too much to process. I could not wrap my head around the idea that I had just become a mom and that the baby lying next to me was mine. No one knew what was going through my head. I felt like something was wrong with me.

A week after coming home from the hospital, I still didn’t feel emotionally connected to my son. I felt like I had failed as a mother already because I didn’t experience that magical moment so many moms talk about after giving birth. Instead, my son felt like a tiny stranger—someone I didn’t really know, yet somehow I knew that I was his entire world.

Ultimately it took a few weeks for me and my son to officially bond. Reflecting back on these moments, I found that this experience is very common for C-section moms and first-time moms. So mama, you are not alone.

Now, three years later into my motherhood journey, my son is my world and the reason I wake up every day. He has my whole heart and I would do anything for him. He brings happiness into my life and heals my inner child.

I used to question what my purpose in life was. When I had my son, that question was finally answered. Not only is he my son, but he is also my little best friend, with whom I get to have good laughs, eat lunch together, go get boba, run errands with and go on fun adventures to the zoo and many more awesome places.

On this journey through motherhood, we gain countless life lessons from raising our children. While there are certainly tough moments, the joy and love we experience ultimately outweigh the hard challenges, and even though my journey started rocky, I wouldn’t change a thing about it because it has only made me stronger. 

Motherhood can also feel like living as a quiet superhero—constantly doing everything for everyone, often without pause, yet rarely being recognized for the strength it takes to do it all, again and again. 

So if you are a mother, please take this Mother's Day as an opportunity to reflect on all the countless times we have shown up for our kids and our family, and be sure to treat yourself to some self-care, because you have very much earned it. 

Here are my flowers to you … because I see you.

If there is anything I can help young mothers and fathers with, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at amairani@latinomedia.org.

Follow my Mami & Me column here.