Mami & Me: Reflections on my son’s first day of school

Yesterday a new chapter in my motherhood journey began as I stood in line with my son for his first day of school. If you ask me how it felt, I’d say it was a bittersweet moment. 

For the last couple of months, I have been preparing him to start school, but little did I know I was mentally preparing myself to let go of my baby.

From the day I started buying his school supplies, I realized the clock had been quietly ticking all along, and before I knew it, the day I had been dreading had finally arrived.

That morning, Levi was so excited to start school that he even woke up early. Without any complaints, he brushed his little teeth, combed his hair and got dressed.

I then helped him put on his shoes and slip on his little green backpack, and just like that he was ready. And if you're wondering if I pulled out my phone to take pictures, of course I did.

While I felt excitement, I was also feeling heartbroken that my Levi was not a baby nor a toddler anymore; he was now a preschooler or a big boy, as he constantly reminds me.

As his dad and I walked him to school, one thought kept running through my mind: “Wow…I’m really a mom.” Although it was a simple realization, it carried the weight of every moment that had led us here.

For the last four years, I’ve had the opportunity to work from home and keep my son safe with me at all times. Together we went on so many adventures; even if they were big or small, I will cherish those moments forever while opening the door for new ones.

Now that he is at school, the house feels quiet and the hours feel longer. Everyone at home is missing his little laughter or on a bad day, his little tantrums. 

As one of the first of my many mom experiences, embracing this new chapter has been the hardest. Not only did it hurt to see him walk away, but I also had to hold back my tears in front of new and rookie moms. As they closed the school gate, I waved goodbye not just to my little Levi but to the end of a parenthood chapter.

If there is anything I can help young mothers and fathers with, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me by email at amairani@calonews.com.